Monday, December 06, 2004

Thought du Jour

A quote for the day:
"Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman." ~Joseph Joubert

Some of my friends have been trying to convince me why it would be to my advantage to get a boyfriend. Now, I don't mind their meddling- they want the best for me, of that I am sure- but I have been quite happy for the last 15 years without one.

I have my standards for boyfriends. I want someone who values me for who I am, and takes pride in who I am and what I do. I want someone who doesn't want to change me- who likes me just the way I am. I want someone loyal, honest, and trustworthy. Intelligence is nice, a sense of humor is a must, good looks is obviously always a plus. Personal interests should match mine enough that we don't bicker over everything. Above all, he should be a friend, as much as a boyfriend. I want someone who treats me with respect, as an equal human being, if he doesn't put me on the pedestal that I think all women deserve to be on. Courtesy and chivalry should not be dead to him. More than anything, he has to be a Christian who both talks the talk and walks the Walk. Words are meaningless without actions behind them.

I know that sounds like a superman, but I don't think it is unreasonable. Obviously I'm willing to bend a little bit, but not too much. I know there are guys out there like that. All you need is faith and time.

An author I like, Tamora Pierce, described the relationship between two of her characters like this:

"It's hard to describe a relationship like theirs to people, because most of us were raised to think love is fire, passion, and prolonged bouts of giddiness and strained emotions. The quieter kind of love looks kind of boring on the surface, even cool-hearted. Nobody wants that at first. Some people never learn how wonderful it is to be friends with a lover or a spouse, to know that here is someone you can be yourself around, and they will love you anyway, sometimes not in spite of your worse characteristics, but because of them. That kind of lover will stay with you through thick and thin, will make you feel valued always, and will make any disastrous occasion seem less so because you are with that person."

I don't know about you, but I like the sound of that.


cowandpenguin said...

Ok, I'm responding to this as I read it for the first time so if it doesn't make sense I'm sorry...

There is a difference between the first 15 years of your life and the next 15 years of your life. You weren't mature enough to have a boyfriend until recently and that's only because you're more mature than most of the people your age... I'm NOT saying you should get a boyfriend.. guys will ruin your life.. lol if not ruin they will certaintly complicate and change you life DRAMATICALLY. What does your mom thin kof you dating at such a young age? If you take a step back from you and your life and your friend's life and look at yourself as simply an age. 15 IS quite young to have a boyfriend. There's a REASON why one has to be old to have a boyfriend especially one in the world today, when my mom was young all they did was hang out and go with their friends to places. now you're IN A RELATIONSHIP and probably very physically... invovled (speaking from both experience and as a majority of the people not you speacifically) There is no reason why a 15 sophomore should have a boyfriend. You just said you have no time and they certainly take a LOT of time.

If I seem like i"m telling you to get a boyfriend I'm doing no such thing. If I hear someone wants something I have the attitude that says GO FOR IT! why should you delay when we're ALREADY living on borrowed time? an average person lives to be 85 (assuming they live that long...), the first 15 years is spent in ignorance, maybe the first 20 so people only have 70-65 years to live their lives to the fullest, but over half that is spent sleeping, so people only REALLY have 35-33 years to spend and how much more of that is spent in wasted time like eating, giong to teh bathroom, getting dressed, brushing your teeth, taking a shower, watching tv, (no offence) reading etc... so maybe for 20 year does the average person have to accomplish what they want in live so a) Jesus/God will welcome them into their arms and b) they can look back and not regret anything... just think, you would have less than 5 years to finish your life's work...So I find people who pine useless and stupid for wasting so much time. I must confess I'm a hypocrate when it comes to guys, but if someone was to truly challenge that then I would probably change that hypocristy and go and do something about it. (though someone has yet to do that...) So, I'm not telling you to get a boyfriend, but a natural reaction for me when someone finally tells me they like someone is for me to encourage them to acton it because they don't have much time!!!
Ok, what else do you have to say.. standards VERY good have very very VERY high standars, that way only the one right guy will enter your life and you won't have to worry about anything else... "Intelligence is nice..." NICE??? Intelligence is a MUST. You're very smart Caroline, and my mother once told me smart women need even smarter or as smart men. You don't need grade smart but he cn't be an idoit, trust me they get old FAST! you should be both an equal human being and put up on a pedstal so high he has to give you to GOd every day because he can no longer reach you... I don't think you hsould bend almost at all,, in fact I think you should set the bar higher. You're worth to much to risk settling for someone less-than-bar...
I like the sound of that too. Good job Caroline, God bless you beautiful child


Christie Mae said...

Well, I read what CowAndPenguin said, or at least the first paragraph. I'm confused. You say you've been happy for 15 years without a boyfriend and I was thinking that would make you 30. CowAndPenguin think's you are 15. Well, I'm 22. And I've never met a man who I was able to stay in a relationship with for more than a few months. My list of requirements if very much the same as yours and I refuse to settle for less than a great love. And my two best friends are both married! But not me. If you are 15, boys are a waste of time and the drama isn't worth it at that age. I look back now (but I don't look that far back) and kick myself for all the drama in my life back then. College is different. I never really dated until college and it was by choice. By the time I was in college I was much more comfortable with myself and knew even more what I was looking for. But I'm still single! Nothing wrong with it either! God has his own time and our plans are useless. That may be the biggest lesson I've ever learned. Yes I want a boyfriend. Heck, I'd like to get married. My best friends are married, why not me? Who knows why not. But thats ok.