It's challenging and humbling and depressing all at the same time when you realize that you gave your very best in the circumstances you were in, and it just wasn't quite good enough.
Even my (relatively) short-term future is now being tossed back into turmoil, and it's frightening and annoying. My parents and I are starting to talk about the "what ifs" and make contingency plans.
I thought we were done with this.
I thought I could manage whatever happened this past year.
I thought a lot of things.
I was wrong.
I hope there's more than I can see in this. There must be a reason. There's a plan for my life. I don't know what it is. That's aggravating. I wish I knew why this has all happened. I want to know what more there is that I'm not seeing. Guidance, Lord. I need a lot of it. Please.