Saturday, April 26, 2008

Sleepless Nights, Weary Days

Living life on less than five hours of sleep a night for an entire week sucks.
Having to be reasonably cheerful, pleasant, and "with it" while going on three and a half hours of sleep is a distinct challenge.
Throw in 80 degree weather and wearing a black t-shirt and jeans to make you bake a little bit and all you want to do is make the world go away so you can take a nap.
Not being able to do that is unfortunate.
I love the zoo, I like Tryst, and I like Meskerem. I love my family, I love my friends. I love late nights hanging out with my friends and getting dessert at AfterWords.
But trying to do all of those things on so little sleep, with so little energy just makes me feel like I'm faking everything. To some extent I'm faking it, of course, but the pleasure I take in those things is real. It's buried underneath the exhaustion and subsequent aggravation, but it's real. The tough part sometimes can be digging past all that and letting that real pleasure come to the surface.
It happened a few times. One such time was when we were watching the seals at the zoo. They were just swimming back and forth, back and forth around their pool. It looked like such a nice life, peaceful and cool and predictable, albeit repetitive. And all of a sudden, watching them, I found myself feeling what I suspect seals feel...just all-around good. Like the Finding Nemo (Dory) philosophy on living life: "Just keep swimming".
I took a nap in the grass at the zoo after lunch. It was lovely, just lying there in the shade dozing off as little kids ran past screaming and the animals made their noises. And all I could think was...sleep...sleep...why can't I do this so easily at night? I was falling asleep so quickly and easily there. Heck, I fell asleep sitting up in the restaurant. Why couldn't that happen at night? Say, around 12:30-1 AM? This quasi-insomnia is obnoxious.

1 comment:

Rachel said...

My dear, I hope you have a very restful summer. Sounds like you need it.